you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
