I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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