Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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