So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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