I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
