are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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