God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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