Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
