Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
