if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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