Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
