i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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