I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
