dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's like iHOP with fire
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
