grandma shit on top of the toilet
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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