We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
