On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
