Someone shit on the floor
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
