Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You smell like stripper and shame
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
