i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
