you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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