I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This is classic penis vs brain.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
