This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
