He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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