Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
