The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
