I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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