We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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