my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
