he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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