Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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