Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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