well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
