hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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