Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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