Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
