I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
