Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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