There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
whose parrot is this?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
