Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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