Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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