I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
