is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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