yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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