hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
