Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
