I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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