why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
