if you like me you must not know who I am
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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