Kiss
Puke
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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