$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
