Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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